Kathryn’s Voyage Blog

Publish Date: Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Location: Sarasota, Florida
Coordinates: 27° 20.036′ N 82° 32.814′ W

Recently I have been exchanging emails with a family in the Pacific Northwest who are contemplating embarking on a similar adventure to what we have been up to on Three@Sea. Originally they inquired if any of us had written a blog on the pros and cons of living aboard. We haven’t, but it seemed like a good idea. As I solicited input from Dave and Ayla on what they considered the pros and cons of living on a boat it quickly became apparent that one person’s pro could be another person’s con. For example, one family might find the living space on a boat confining while another finds it to be just perfect; or one person may think off-shore cruising is exhilarating while another finds it terrifying or just downright boring. The pros and cons are as varied as people and their dreams.

So instead of a pros and cons list, the family developed a great list of questions asking us to share our perspective based on the experiences we’ve had this past year. At their urging, I’ll share our answers to these questions in a series of blogs over the next several weeks. If you have been cruising or are out there now, I encourage you to add your own thoughts in the blog comments section as it is the richness of all our experiences that will be most valuable to others. Also, If you have specific questions, drop me an email and I will add them to the list. I currently have a list of about 20 questions—let’s start with these three:

1. Do you get on each other’s nerves in the close quarters?
2. Do you get time to yourself?
3. Do you get lonely?

Do you get on each other’s nerves in the close quarters?
This was a unanimous “no” from all three of us. How can that be you might ask? We’ve actually wondered that ourselves and have spent quite a bit of time talking about it. The two main reasons we’ve come up with are:

• Our learning curve has been so steep this past year we’ve had to be focused on working together as a team to figure things out.
• Because we spend so much time together, without many of the distractions of life on land, there is more time for great conversations and good communications. (Along those lines, here is a blog I wrote about happy hour, which provides additional perspective on family time at sea versus on land.)

Both of these things have given us a better understanding of each other (i.e., how we work; how we handle the unexpected etc.) which in turn leads to a continually developing respect for one  another.  When we have those occasional cranky moments, they seem to diffuse more than spiral up because of this understanding.

Do you get time to yourself?
Yes, no and it’s different. We are together as a family WAY more than when we led a land based life.  Dave traveled for work, Ayla was at school or with friends, so I definitely had more time on my own. As I reflect back, I used most of that time to run errands, volunteer at school, exercise, or handle the daily tasks of life (laundry, bills, meal prep, etc.). The daily tasks of life still exist on a boat plus quite a few extras from navigation and boat maintenance to homeschooling and exploring new locations. However, these tasks are shared among us and we often divide and conquer to get things done, so in our every day chores we can find time for ourselves.

When one of us is feeling the need for more alone time, it’s easy enough to come by. That person is usually me as Ayla is good at understanding what she needs and taking it, while Dave just doesn’t seem to need as much. Depending on whether we’re at anchor or on a town dock determines how you come by your own time. A dock affords the chance to go for a walk or run,  or two can hop off the boat for awhile and explore while the other enjoys some quite time etc. If we are at anchor, you can find time sitting on the fly bridge enjoying a morning cup of coffee  watching the sunrise,  or reading at night down in your berth, or taking the kayak out for a spin. The key is to understand what you need and work together to find it.

Do you get lonely?
Lonely means many different things from a feeling of separation and missing your extended family and friends all the way to feeling destitute of companionship.  In many books we’ve read about solo circumnavigations the authors are at times overwhelmed with loneliness. I can happily report that none of us have felt that way. Here’s why:

1. We are together as family. Each day we have one another to talk with, laugh with and cry with over the events that have transpired— there is a powerful connection in this shared experience.
2. The internet allows for a level of communication with far away family and friends that voyagers of the past could not enjoy. Email, Skype, iChat and cell phones provide almost immediate access.  Plus, for the adventurous types it fun to plan a visit to where you are voyaging. That’s not to say we don’t miss our family and friends—we do, but we don’t feel lonely are disconnected from them.
3. The cruising community provides you an instant camaraderie with other boaters.  Ayla was the first to notice this in our cruising.  She commented on how cool it was that complete strangers would come by the boat to say hi; and how back in Boulder we would never just show up on a strangers doorstep, introduce ourselves and invite them over for happy hour. Yet as a cruiser these are common occurrences.
4. The hospitality and warmth of the local people we have met along the way.  From Beaufort, South Carolina to Bobcaygeon, Ontario; from Normans Cay, Bahamas to Prince Edward Island the people we’ve been lucky enough to meet have fill our hearts with joy, optimism and all the best of what you hope for in humankind.

In fact, there have been times we’ve had so much going on with others that we have to establish some boundaries to protect our time as a family.

Up next…
Thanks to Jackie and her family for these thoughtful questions.  When planning a voyage like this the psychological issues are as important as the physical ones.  My next entry will address questions around the routine of actively cruising. Until then, keep the water on the outside! 🙂